Are you battling with change?
You really, really want to change something.
Maybe in yourself and the way you lead …
Maybe in your team and the way you partner in the work…
And most definitely in your organization and the way you all impact the world.
This is what leadership’s all about. You’ve got a vision for something that could be different in the future, and you’re committed to making that dream a reality.
So, you start chipping away at the change.
And because you’re ambitious, you’ve got a big ass chisel.
And you are hitting it HARD.
But then this weird and wildly frustrating thing happens…
The more forcefully you hit the rock, willing her to change…
The stronger and more defiantly she defends her exterior.
It’s as if she turns to you and says, ”oh, hell no I’m not changing…
I like my current shape just fine.”
Enter resistance.
That pesky comfort-loving, status quo-maintaining force that can make change seem impossible.
Resistance shows up in all systems when we try to change them.
For individuals, resistance is that part of us that pushes back on our workout goals and says, “Oh no, you don’t need to go to the gym, cutie … Here, have this cupcake instead.” (though that voice can also be one of self care). Or that part of you that pops up in moments when you want to stand up and speak out, reminding you of everything that’s at risk and convincing you to stay small and quiet instead.
For organizational systems, resistance can take the most obvious form of people who push back on efforts to change direction … start new initiatives … or end others. But resistance can also work in much stealthier ways, like in those moments when everyone wants to change, but the organizational system and culture is holding tight to the way things have always been done.
Here’s the hard truth about resistance -- it’s an inevitable, natural part of any change process.
When resistance shows up, it doesn’t mean you or your change efforts are failing. (It just means you’re showing up and doing the work of change)
Whether or not our desired change will succeed is all about how we respond to resistance. And after years of navigating change and helping others do the same, let me share what I’ve observed.
If you go into full-out battle mode with resistance, you will lose
If you ignore it and let it go untamed, you will lose
Thankfully, there is a third way to be in relationship with resistance: notice when it shows up, and meet it with as much curiosity and compassion as you can muster.
It’s a bit paradoxical, but when you can meet resistance with a desire to understand it … it loosens its grip. When resistance - in yourself, others, and systems - feels that it’s been seen and heard … it can allow you to move forward.
As a leader, your job is not to control change. We cannot coerce ourselves or others into transformation.
I know this to be true, because when I connect to this control and command approach, I feel my whole body tense up. And a stressed and rigid system (my body, your body, an organizational body) is not a system that will welcome a new shape.
Alternatively, when I lean into curiosity and acceptance of it all, my body softens and allows for movement, flexibility, and flow.
So next time resistance shows up - within you or your organization - notice that inclination to fight back or control, and instead get curious.
Here are a set of questions you can use to work with resistance:
1. What does this resistance feel like in my body? Or if I’m faced with resistance from the outside, how does my body respond to that?
2. What does the resistance want? What’s a core fear or desire that sits underneath the resistance? (Although unhelpful, resistant parts usually have a noble cause. They don’t resist just to be difficult).
3. How can you acknowledge the resistance? What inner or outward conversation might you have to really see, hear, and understand the resistance?
4. What can you appreciate about the resistance? Even though it's causing you and your change effort strife…can you locate even 1% of compassion and/or gratitude for it? What’s in that?
5. How might you move forward differently now that you understand the resistance? How might you address and reassure the fear or desire that sits underneath the resistance? What shared goal can you and the resistance both hold as you move forward with change?
Now over to you! How do you work with resistance when it shows up in a change process? Can you relate to the paradox that when you meet resistance with a desire to understand, that allows it to relax, and allows you to move forward? Let me know your experience in the comments!
Jen xo
