One of the chief complaints I hear from nonprofit leaders is this:

Way.

Too.

Many.

Meetings.

More specifically, too many unfocused, uninspired, and ineffective meetings that drain your team’s time and energy to do the real work.

When I was in college, I hated group projects.

I was that girl who volunteered (ahem, insisted) “I’ll just do it on my own,” because I’d rather put in a few extra hours at the library than waste my time with collaboration.

Yup, you read that right.

I currently have 162,771 unread emails (and counting).

And before you freak the ef out about this, please don’t. None of them are from my mortgage company, my clients, my best friends, my mom, or - hopefully - you.

You really, really want to change something.

Maybe in yourself and the way you lead …

Maybe in your team and the way you partner in the work…

And most definitely in your organization and the way you all impact the world.

Leading together with a team of people can be incredibly rewarding, powerful, and … hard as hell.

If you’ve been leading on a team long enough, no doubt you’ve had your ups and downs and twists and turns.

And all the research shows us that there’s one key ingredient that’s there when things are good and lacking when it’s not …

When I was a freshman in college, I lived in perpetual fear of dropping my tray in the dining hall.

Everytime I lifted my spread of wobbling drinks and overloaded plates, I was convinced that would be the time that I’d lose control of it all and become the laughing stock of the entire student body.

While that was more than 20 years ago (and I never did actually drop my tray), that same sinking feeling comes back over me every time I think:

Gah, it happened again.

That end-of-year, holiday season frenzy got a hold of me and for the past two weeks I have been running around like a headless chicken, trying to get everything on my to-do list done, while frantically adding new things to it (because, MORE!) … all before the clock strikes twelve on that fateful last day of the year.

Once upon a time, there were six women working to make the world a better place.

And every day, they showed up to do the work at their organizations - with fire in their belly and commitment in their hearts.

Until one day, when each of them paused, looked within, and discovered that they longed for things to be different…

So your team’s thinking about having a retreat, eh?

Maybe you’ve got some big decisions to make, and you don’t seem to be making any progress at your standing meeting...

Maybe it’s been a real long time since you’ve all been together in person, and tensions have been flaring more than usual …

Maybe you’ve had your heads down and focused on the work so much that you’re losing sight of the big picture…

Dear leader,

When you shut your computer after a busy day, I hope you know that your work today mattered.

May you trust that the “small” things add up and know that yes, indeed, you are making an impact.

When internalized capitalism urges you to fill each waking moment with productivity, may you remember that you are much more valuable than your to-do list.

If you know me well, you know that my husband is a Republican.

When I first reveal this fact to folx who share my liberal leaning, their response usually falls somewhere between curious wonder ("how the heck does that work?") and horrified disbelief ("and you knew that going in??)

Perhaps you notice a similar reaction forming in yourself? If so, that's ok -- we are so wired to view disagreements as a bad thing...as barriers to partnership and progress.

“You’re holding too high of standards for your team.”

WTF does that mean, the 20-something, A-student, new manager version of me thought (and nearly said) in response to my boss at the time. I was proud of my high standards and was not about to let them go to be well-liked by my colleagues. The work was too important.

15 years, and a lot has changed. I can now see the destructive impact that my perfectionist tendencies have on myself and others:

As a leader, one of our most powerful tools is our voice. Speaking up about the things we care about is critical to shaping change and developing authentic relationships with others.

And it can feel vulnerable as hell.

I have yet to know a leader who’s said, “Ah yes, I have found my voice and can now speak with unwavering confidence. My work here is done!”

Because there’s always a new edge we’re working –

That topic we haven’t spoken up about before…