Speaking Up
As a leader, one of our most powerful tools is our voice. Speaking up about the things we care about is critical to shaping change and developing authentic relationships with others.
And it can feel vulnerable as hell.
I have yet to know a leader who’s said, “Ah yes, I have found my voice and can now speak with unwavering confidence. My work here is done!”
Because there’s always a new edge we’re working –
That topic we haven’t spoken up about before
That table we haven’t had a seat at before (or maybe still don’t, but are presenting to)
That complex issue we’re still processing but want to say something about
So, what’s that edge for you? What’s that situation or topic that makes your voice shake? Or that space where you think, I have more to say here about the decisions we’re making together. Think about it for a minute….
Got yours? Does it make you sweat a bit just thinking about it? Yup, that’s the one.
Now here are a few things you can do to strengthen your voice…
1 – Practice every day
Our voice works like every other muscle in our body – use it regularly and it gets stronger, let it rest, and it will atrophy. And if you try to go straight for a vocal marathon, you’re going to be in a lot of pain. How can you take your big goal and break it down into do-able daily practices?
If your edge is about a new topic, can you find a way to express your views on it daily? Maybe you start by writing and gradually work to speaking your words aloud to others
If your edge is about a new table, can you start by speaking with other members of the group in smaller settings? Or maybe there’s something you love talking about, and you start by speaking up about that.
2 – Examine your beliefs
What conscious and unconscious beliefs may be holding you back from speaking up more? A lot of these beliefs go way back to our family of origin. Imagine your childhood dinner table. What messages did you receive about how to use (and not use) your voice? About what it was OK and not OK to say? And what broader societal messages were layered on top of this? What does our country and world tell you about how you and your social identities should speak?
Some that I hear often from my clients are …
I’m not the kind of person that takes up space or rocks the boat
When I speak up, I risk being judged by others
It’s only safe for me to speak up when I know how others will react
I have to feel confident before I speak up
What’s yours?
And what’s a new belief that is more supportive of the relationship you want to have with your voice? Maybe it doesn’t feel 100% true for you yet, but there’s a part of it you can lean into. Some to consider…
I’m the kind of person that speaks up on behalf of the things that are most important to me
If my voice shakes, it shows others that I’m human and I care
I have what I need to handle people’s reactions – whatever they may be
If I don’t speak up as effectively as I wanted to the first time, I can always speak again
What are you landing on?
3 – Get your body on board
What shapes do you notice your body take when you’re stopping your voice from being expressed? Maybe your jaw clenches tight and your breathe gets shallow? Or perhaps it’s more like you’re hiding or shrinking – like a little turtle retreating into her shell. If you recall the last time you wanted to speak up and didn’t, what do you notice happened to your physical being?
And what’s a form that your body could take that would feel more supportive of expression? Perhaps you let your spine get straight and your head grow tall, so there’s a nice open passageway for your words. Maybe you loosen your jaw, relax your shoulders, and take several long, full breathes. Or perhaps you feel your feet firmly planted on the ground, connecting to the support of the earth beneath you.
What embodiment will work for you?
Now, over to you, dear leader. What steps will you take to get your voice out there more? I’d love to hear what specifics steps you’ll be implementing, so that I can cheer you on!
